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No matter how we grow up, there have been men in our lives who helped us understand the best (and worst) ways of being a father. Whether they be the fathers or father figures we dealt with on a daily basis, or the dads we watched once a week on TV, these men all had an impact on the people we have become.

For Father’s Day this year, we’ve compiled a list of some of the greatest quotes, jokes, and advice from both dads on TV and dads of our customers. Can you guess which quotes are from TV Dads? We hope you enjoy reading these as much as we did collecting them!

  1. “The older I got, the smarter my father got.”
  2. “I’m the cool dad, that’s my thang. I’m hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face.”
  3.  “Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.”
  4. “Just remember, when children seem the least lovable, it means they need love the most.”
  5. “Everything is going according to plan, just not my plan.”
  6. “Families are like a box of chocolates. Some are just chock full of nuts!”
  7. “I am a firm believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more luck I have.”
  8. “I said you need to strive to be better than everyone else. I didn’t say you needed to be better than everyone else. But you gotta try. That’s what character is. It’s in the try.”

  1.  “There really has got to be a better way to say that.”
  2. “War was easier than daughters…”
  3. “A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms even when his hands are empty.”
  4. “Money is easy come and easy go. Well, I’ve got half of that figured out.”
  5. “I am your father. It is my job to protect you. It’s a job I refuse to quit, and at which I can’t afford to fail.”
  6. “Don’t let your showboat mouth overload your row boat body.”
  7. “Having children is like living in a frat house – nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
  8. “If you sleep with the dogs you’re going to wake up with fleas.”

  1. “You know you’re a dad when you carry pictures where your money used to be!”
  2. “The grass may be greener on the other side, but we don’t have to mow that yard!”
  3. “Like the high jumper, you will get over it.”
  4. “Maybe you shouldn’t change for anybody. Maybe you should just get used to who you are.”
  5. My parents got married on July 4th. Dad would always say, “It was Independence Day for everyone but me.”
  6. “Cologne that doesn’t smell makes no scents.”
  7.  “Life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you.”

  1. “If you’re ever cold, just stand in a corner. They’re generally about 90 degrees.”
  2.  My dad said to my Mom, “I can prove I am smarter than you. Look at who you married. Look who I married.”
  3.  “What does a nosy pepper do best? Get Jalapeño business!”
  4. “Don’t play leapfrog with a unicorn”
  5.  “The sun don’t shine on the same dog’s butt everyday!”
  6. “The future’s always incomplete. That’s why they call it ‘the future.’ When it’s complete, they tend to call it ‘the past.'”
  7. When I say I hurt something he says “Does your face hurt?” I say “No” He says “Well it’s killing me!”

  1. When we were little and we wanted something, he’d say, “It’s nice to want.”
  2. When referring to his hair: “It’s not grey, it’s platinum blonde!”
  3. “No one can learn from anyone else’s head, except the barber”
  4. “If you can’t run with the big dogs, then get out of the kitchen.”
  5. “Don’t start vast projects with half-vast ideas.”

Which Dad quote is your favorite? Let us know in the comments below.

TV Dads:

2 – Phil Dunphy, Modern Family
4 –  Danny Tanner, Full House
8 – Coach Eric Taylor, Friday Night Lights
9 – Michael Bluth, Arrested Development
10 – Ned Stark, Game of Thrones
13 – Philip Banks, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
15 – Ray Romano, Everybody Loves Raymond
20 –  Tim Taylor, Home Improvement
23 – Red Forman, That 70s Show
29 – Alan Matthews, Boy Meets World

The Author

Drew Allen

Drew Allen

Besides being the managing editor of this blog, I'm also a drummer, a husband, and a father, not necessarily in that order. I love good stories, and great design, and I probably quote the Office more than I should but less than I could.